Friday, January 1, 2010

The day I made Big News and why I am only 5 feet and 6 inches tall..

This one goes back to the time when I was in school. I had just moved to a new city. Life was good , I had shaved for the first time for a new look at a new school. At 17 years of age, I felt I had arrived.

I was reasonably well known in the school. Every new kid is. Life was quite a song with new friends and a new scooter that Dad got me. And then I got the scare of my life. A friend walked up to me one day and enquired about my budding romance with Ms. Big Girl (name withheld to avoid potential law suite). The news scared the shit out of me. Not because I wanted my so called love story to be under wraps but because I had no clue that I was a part of this story in the first place! To make things worse, I didn’t event know who Ms. Big Girl was. So I got 2 of my friends to investigate the matter and in about 2 hours time, I was walking towards the commerce section of 11th grade to find out who this “ love of my life” was. I was going through what a typical teenager would go through. There was nervousness and excitement. What if she turned out to be the hottest girl in school? I knew if that happened, a “ Star” status amongst my friends wasn’t far away. I closed my eyes and said a small prayer as I turned around the corner to enter the classroom and then slowly opened my eyes.

There she was – 5 feet 9 inches tall and at least half as wide. She wore 1 Kg of kajal in each of her eyes and had thick curly hair braided all the way. My first thought of course was that my friends had messed up. So I walked out as fast as I had walked in and told them to re-check. But they were sure. It took a few violent shakes and a couple of slaps from my friends to pull me out of this state of denial and accept the reality. I was publicly linked to a nightmare.

In the days that followed, my friends tried to convince me that it wasn’t all that bad. They told me that it didn’t matter if she was 3 inches taller than me and a stone heavier. But I knew better. My life had been screwed. I could see my classmates looking at me with loads of pity in their eyes. At just 17 years of age, my prospects of being handsome and available were over. So here I am - 5 feet and 6 inches tall and I blame Ms. Big Girl for shocking me so much at the first encounter that I have not added an inch to my height after that day. True story.

About what happened later – I made several plans to face her and threaten her to pull back all the rumors she had been spreading about me (Us). I would practice my threats every day in front of the mirror and would research for the nastiest expressions I could manage when the moment arrived. After about 2 weeks of preparation, the moment arrived. Ironically, I wasn’t prepared when it did. It was just after lunch time on a Monday and I was walking down this ramp connecting the 2nd floor of the school to the pay ground when suddenly all of a sudden a huge shadow blocked the sunlight. I looked up and saw her standing right in front of me. Owing to the obvious difference in our heights, I was positioned right below her nostrils and every time she breathed out, I felt blown away. Literally. She told me that she wanted to talk and I knew this was MY moment. I went through all I had rehearsed in the last few days.. all the threats and all the mean expressions. Students moving around had begun to stop around us. I was going to make news here. So I pulled myself together to say all that I wanted to , to blast her by screaming my head off but instead I did something very different. I made a quick turn around her and exhibiting all the agility I could , I ran away.

So of course, I made news. Big news. Every one from 7th grade to 12th grade was talking about me. I suspected even the teachers knew about the stupendous act of unprecedented cowardice that I had pulled off. My friends joked about it till our last day in school when Ms. Big Girl decided to perform at our fairwell party. I still remember, she did this scary dance with daggers in her hands. I couldn’t sleep for the next few nights.

Running away the way I did wasn’t the first stupid thing I had done and it wasn’t the last. Several years later I was to be chased by another creature in the same city. But that’s another story for another time :)


  1. I can see...the whole thing left quite an impact on you....

    woh bhul gayaa maths waaley exam se pheley ...blank calls and then i hate you!!!

    and yaar why did you not write about places where you went together and the fun you had....we all heard so much about that ...from every where except from you.

  2. U remember her dance..her height..she's a part of ur she sure had some impact on u:)

  3. I bet Ms. Big Girl has a blog entry somewhere with the title, 'the day a boy ran away from me and why I became a super model...'


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