Sunday, May 20, 2012

Khul ja Gym-Gym

I was a fat kid. A really fat one. One of the most vivid memories I have is that of this pretty girl from my 5th grade , asking me to teach a lesson to this brat by sitting on him. The good thing about being a kid is that you don't get the implicit insults, so I obliged. I sat on the guy and ate his lunch. He never misbehaved after that.

That was then. As I grew up, I realised the merits of being fit. I joined a gymnasium and now, I have lost weight, gained height , sport a 6 pack,and have chiseled biceps and chest. Alright, not all of it is true. Actually, most of it isn't. But the point I am trying to make is that back then, when I was growing up into this fine man that I have become now , gyms used to be a place where you would go to either lose weight or add muscles. Not anymore.

This morning as I was on my last mile on the treadmill, I couldn't help but notice the motley crowd that had assembled around. I made mental notes of all the interesting profiles around me and thus, was born the idea of the most happening gym that would ever exist on this planet. I'll call it - The Circus.

So what would 'The Circus' be all about ? I have decided that my gym would specialise in serving only the following segments:

1. Day one dudes : These are guys who start seeing their muscles bulging out from the minute they start exercising. It's easy to spot them. They walk up to the mirror every 5 minutes to check out the incremental bulge in their biceps. Don't miss the expressions of delight and self admiration on their faces when they do that. If you are lucky , you might come across a few really evolved ones would also talk to the mirror , almost practicing out their introduction for an upcoming blind date,set up through a social media website.

My solution: Just like the IPL, The Circus would have cheer girls who would do a little cheer dance every time these guys complete a set. "Give me a D, give me a U , give me a D , give me an E. D-U-D-E!!". They’ll also make all those swooning sounds.

2. Mirror Lovers : Not all girls visit gyms for fitness. Some of them go there for mirrors. Around 5% of their time goes into exercising and the rest into admiring themselves in those large mirrors. They'll pose, give that mean look, twirl on their feet, pout a bit and keep straightening their hair. I fail to see how any of the existing gyms are helping them in this little performance that they put up. Except for , may be, letting the trainers devote all of their time to seemingly coach them while poor fat people around try to manage by themselves.

My solution: If it's the mirrors they want, mirrors they will get. The Circus would have a special room which would be full of mirrors placed at various angles to give all possible perspectives. There would be one symbolic spinning machine kept somewhere in the corner of the room, just for the effect. The pretty ones can walk in , spend a minute or two spinning and then get down to business. I am also contemplating creating small kiosks in the room and letting them out to fashion retailers. Who knows, this might turn out to be the next big thing in retail.

3. Members of the 'frandship' club: That there is a possibility of finding attractive girls in gyms is often a big reason for certain individuals to join. However, these poor deprived souls often land into trouble when they say the wrong things to the wrong people. The other day, all hell broke loose in the gym when this guy asked a girl on the next treadmill to be his 'frand' on Orkut. I am not sure if it was the proposition of friendship or the mention of the antediluvian -  Orkut that peeved her but the guy was asked to leave the premises for improper conduct. I still remember the look on his face ; bovine and innocent.

My solution: My gym would have special batches where these guys would be trained in etiquettes of asking women out. Only after they have successfully completed the course, would they be allowed to mingle with the crowd. We'd also advise them against pickup lines like "hello baby, don't say maybe" or " let's have coffee, I got car".

So, that's pretty much what my business idea is all about. I think, I might be on to something really big here. It's new, it's the need of the hour, and it also has an element of social service. I don't know, I just might script history. Now if only some one could fund this idea. Anyone?

Image source: google images


  1. I can sponsor the mirrors. Have about 8 of them distributed between 2 rooms :D

  2. you sat on a guy? hahahahaha.. i didnt know about this!


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