Sunday, June 17, 2012

Five lies the world has been telling us

The world as we know it, isn't very believable. There is a lot of trash floating around and you've really got to be careful about what you buy into. In fact, I have been living with a sense of being fooled for a while now.

As a kid, I was thrilled everytime I lost a tooth. I would carefully take it out of the house, bury it under moist soil and then water the place regularly, hoping for something to shoot up. Nothing ever did.

My parents scared the shit out of me by declaring that I would have fruit bearing plants sprouting out of my mouth when I swallowed a fruit along with its seeds . I remember not sleeping a wink that night and running to the mirror every half hour to check if there was something growing out. Almost 2 decades later , I am still waiting for the plant to show itself.

And what can I say about those of us who have been tricked into being good through out the year with a promise that a fat old man , dressed in red and white, would come and fill up randomly suspended stockings with wonderful gifts. If you haven't realised it yet, let me tell you, the fat old man is not coming. Not now , not ever. Now go and cry yourself dry because that's the truth.

Anyway, the point I am making is that it's all a bunch of lies and you've got to learn the truth no matter how painful it sounds. Allow me to present a few myths that I have managed to bust:

1. Chasing rats is fun: Whoever said that, bluffed big time. Here's a carefully constructed rat chasing process depicted through a flow chart:

As illustrated , no matter what the outcome is, you will always end up with a rat's ass. Besides, this whole rat chasing business has its own hazards - like running into the hideous monster that has been living in your store room ever since you were a kid. If you've managed to stay out of its reach all this while, you don't want to end up in his den just because you thought chasing rats was fun.

2. Donuts are amazing: Show me who said that first and I'd show you a liar. The truth is that whoever spread this 'good word' about donuts was the shrewdest man on this planet. Even shrewder than the erstwhile shrewdest - Rumpelstiltskin. Every time we pick a donut, what we are really buying is this big hole with a sort of boundary around it. It is absolutely disheartening to slowly work your way from the periphery of a seemingly delightful dessert , to arrive expectantly at the centre of it, which is , well, NOTHING. That's the highest level of trickery one could possibly imagine. I hope this revelation helps everyone get wiser and teach those evil donut guys a lesson.

3. There's no Atlas holding the earth: Really? So we are just suspended in space by these 'imaginary' forces called gravity or something ? I wish I could just toss Mr. Newton into space and see if his forces of gravity can hold him steady. The truth is that Atlas has been working his backside off, balancing us on his shoulders. And we are busy multiplying thinking that something represented by 'G' is going to hold all of it together. Not believing in Atlas is like not believing in Thor, or Superman, or Spiderman. Wake up people.

4. Pigs can't fly: By choosing to believe this, we are just being ignorant. Possibly, pigs just don't want to fly. Maybe, they prefer running around oinking to flying. A word of advice: Never believe in something till you see it. I will believe that pigs can't fly only when I see one try to fly and not succeed. Until that happens, I am not buying this.

5. The Earth goes around the Sun: The biggest of all myths. Can you imagine Atlas running on an orbit with the earth on his shoulders? That's preposterous! Sure, Atlas is strong and all and he can take all the weight. But running around with billions and trillions of people and mountains and seas and what not, without spilling anyone out is outright impossible. I am sorry, but I just can't see any logic in that.

That's a carefully curated list of my top 5 world fooling lies. I haven't achieved Nirvana yet because there's a lot more to find out and I shall not rest till I have unearthed all the truth in the world. I've heard of this popular flea market in Lajpat Nagar where they sell old stuff. I am planning to go there this week and look for an old lamp or something. Maybe rubbing it would bring me some help.

Image source: google images


  1. hahaha . Donuts stuff was amazing.. LOL.

  2. LOL !!! Enjoyed reading the post !

  3. I'm rather worried about who has been telling you that chasing rats is fun!
    Donuts was genius. :)

  4. haha Zeetal.. Dont tell me you dont find chasing rats fun :D


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