Thursday, April 26, 2012

Why counting sheep doesn't work for me

It's true.. I've tried doing that on several occasions but every single time one of the sheep would fail to make the jump and crash into the fence. It's been quite a mystery. I have been thinking about it and I feel I might have a good theory to explain this. In fact I have a few of them.
1. I am a bad counter : I remember mum would struggle to make me learn numbers when I was young. I seemed to have an unexplained dislike for the digit 9. So every time the number included 9, I would skip it. My counting would go like 1,2,3....7,8,10...16,17,18,20.......27,28,30... and so on. One possible explanation could thus be that I miss sheep that count 9,19,29 etc. But when you are delirious with sleeplessness ,it is kind of difficult to remember your count so I can not be sure if it's actually the 9s that I have been missing.
2. Some sheep are just bad jumpers : I don't know if you can actually choose the sheep that make it to your stable. I wish, I could choose, because I have a lot of those bad jumpers in there. If only I could look at how sheep jumped in other people's dreams and then teach my sheep to do the same but then I am not even sure if you are allowed to teach your sheep anything . It's like paying for the sins of your past life .. May be a I screwed up big time then so I got all those lame sheep.
3. My fence is too high: If it isn't about me or the sheep then it's got to be about the fence. I have always imagined the stumbling sheep failing to clear the fence by a whisker. So it is likely that I have been ambitious in conceiving my fence. It's not really about jumping a high fence , it's just about jumping any fence. What I don't know is how to get the fence to be lower than what it is. I am probably playing this whole sleeping game at an expert level. I should try the beginner's level first.
4. Not all of the sheep are sheep : May be some of my sheep aren't sheep at all. I have heard of wolves disguised as sheep. I think wolves are not as good as sheep in jumping . They can definitely outrun sheep but I wouldn't bet on them to be better jumpers. Possibly, with time, these wolves would learn to jump as well as the sheep and hopefully that would happen before they eat up all the sheep because then I would be left with only wolves and not a single sheep which can jump the fence.
5. It's all a conspiracy : I heard the newsman talking about how secret services of a neighbouring country are responsible for some blasts in the city. Actually I hear this quite a lot . It seems like these secret services people are behind everything that is not right. So it wouldn't be a surprise if they are the ones making my sheep stumble . May be they have fed something funny to my sheep which limits their ability to jump well. I am not sure though why they would do that . But then I am also not sure why they would do a lot of other things either.
6. Their's a culture mismatch : I have actually never seen sheep jumping a fence in real life. I think it's a foreign idea. In India , buffaloes and cows are more common. I don't know, maybe I would be better off making buffaloes and cows jump. Sure it would be very noisy with their heavy bodies and big hooves but they stand a better chance. Which makes me wonder, if I am replacing the sheep , why shouldn't I also replace the fence ? How about making buffaloes just run across a road.. Galloping with their tails up , mooing away as I slip into my dreams.
7. The sheep belong to the government : I hear that the current government can't get anything right. I think they are the ones who got these sheep for my dreams. I keep coming across stories of this really angry woman from West Bengal berating the government for something they apparently failed to deliver. I don't know, may be I can get her to yell at my sheep to get some order in the house .
I can't think of any more reasons. I bet there are more possibilities but I can't think of them at this moment. Besides , all this thinking has made me too sleepy to write anymore.
Take care. Good night.

Disclaimer : The trash above was written post midnight. For those who know me well, it would be easy to understand how I came up with this poop. For the uninitiated , I have this weird system malfunction that kicks in after 11 pm when sleep gets me down to saying , or writing, the craziest things. Last night before the madness engulfed me, I decided to document it to enjoy it later with a cup of coffee and some sheeps. I mean chips.

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  1. Hilarious! Loved reading it. Now I know what to do the next time I can't sleep - write a post on why!!

    1. Thanks Subhorup! I can tell you , writing at odd times can be bring out surprising outputs :D

  2. Superb! ROFL! Never thought one could get so much fun out of insomnia.


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