Friday, May 17, 2013

Save the world, don't fall for puzzles

If there is one thing that has freaked me out since I was a kid, it's puzzles. All kinds of them - the verbal ones, the written ones, the disguised as math problem ones, the Internet ones, and the latest in the series- the what's app ones ( they, my friend, are the scariest ). As a young boy with a curious mind, I often tried to attempt puzzles when they came my way but could never quite figure out a way to conquer them. I would sit for hours looking at other kids engrossed in puzzles and exclaiming with joy on finding the solution; something I never got to experience.

So of course, I felt pathetic. I found momentary peace in telling myself that it'll all come to me when I grew up a bit. I grew up, a bit, (I could never scale five and a half feet) but nothing really changed about my relationship with puzzles. Every now and then, a colleague, a friend, or a younger cousin would come over and ask me to help them solve a damn puzzle and I would flee, with my tail between my legs, to hide somewhere until I was sure that the puzzle had been dealt with. All this was true until today, to be precise, until 1 pm today. Something happened that changed the way I looked at puzzles; something that has restored my self confidence and made me feel less puzzled about my own mental abilities. ( Did you get the pun?)

Well here's what happened: I figured out that puzzles are nothing but a decoy to keep us humans busy amongst ourselves while a super intelligent species of aliens rule over us. In fact, I have two arguments to corroborate to my theory:
  1. Puzzles only attract intelligent people: Have you ever wondered why dumb people don't find puzzles interesting? They might not be able solve them, but why can't they be interested? The answer, my brotheren, is that puzzles have been designed to appeal only to the intelligent minds. The feudalistic aliens wouldn't want us sharp humans to figure out everything, would they? So every time they feel that the intelligent ones are having existential doubts, they throw a puzzle at us and we take the bait just like the mouse who probably never liked the cheese but just wanted to figure out what was the big deal about it. These puzzles keep us from delving into deeper questions which might challenge the notion of our existence. That's wicked.
  2. No one knows where these puzzles come from: Really, do you? We spend hours trying to solve them but never bother to wonder who the f*** created them! I'll tell you who created them- NO ONE, not a human, at least. I am sure if you really tried to figure out where these puzzles originated from, you'd arrive at something that possibly looks like this:

So there. I pray to God that you believe me because if you don't, one day we'd all be consumed by this puzzle mania without really making any significant contribution towards solutions of questions that really matter in life. Here's an example of one such question that you could take down as home work.
Walk to a mirror and stare hard at your face. Focus on your nose and then slowly concentrate on your nostrils. You are most likely to find out that one of your nostrils is bigger than the other one. Here's the task - figure out why your nostrils are uneven?
Now that's what I call a question that really needs an answer. Go figure and be useful to mankind.

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